Civilizing Kartik
by LunaEquus
Summary: In order to be accepted into the new Order, Kartik must agree to an initiation. Expect lots of grace, charm, and beauty and sweet pinkies out action! Last chapter up! Now complete.
1. Initiation?

**Civilizing Kartik  
Chapter One**

**_Disclaimer: LIbba Bray's the genius. I only own the plot. That is all. _**

"So." Felicity Worthington stood with her arms crossed, glaring at me. To her right was Ann Bradshaw, the two of them looking like snowmen in their white dresses and blue velvet capes. To her right beyond the trees was an icy-gray Spence in the distance. The whole picture looked a bit like a Christmas card, except that one snowman was quite cross looking.

"So, what?" I asked, though I knew the answer already.

Felicity narrowed her eyes at me. "He's late. You said he'd meet us at 3, and it's already half past. I'm cold, wet, and have other things I could be doing rather than stand knee-deep in snow waiting for a completely unreliable boy."

"He said he'd be here, and I know that if he was late, he'd have a good reason I guess." I leaned back against a tree and looked deeper into the forest. Everything was a swirling mess of white; no signs of a black traveling cloak anywhere. I sighed. It really was quite cold.

Felicity huffed and rolled her eyes. "Honestly, Gemma. If he's this unreliable, do you really think we should involve him in this?"

I turned to Ann for some support.

"Well Gemma, it is questionable, don't you think?" Ann said timidly.

"He is only 30 minutes late. This does not reflect on his reliability. I have been in trouble before and he has always pulled through for me. He will prove to be a very useful addition to our cause, and that is the end of it."

"Thank you, Miss Doyle, for saying such kind things about me."

The sudden presence of a male voice had us all looking around for its owner. Kartik walked up to us with a big smile.

"You're late." Felicity said bluntly.

Kartik made a spectacle of examining an imaginary pocket watch and feigning surprise. "By golly, you're right! How could I have been so careless?"

Ann and I giggled at Kartik's bold behavior toward Felicity. She was seething, but didn't say anything else to him. I stepped toward him. "Kartik, may I formally introduce Miss Ann Bradshaw and Miss Felicity Worthington?"

"How do you do?" Ann curtsied. Felicity just glared at him.

Kartik frowned slightly at her, clearly remembering the last time he saw her, the night she tried to kill him with a sharp stick. "It's a pleasure to um, formally meet you both." He said.

The three of them turned to look at me. After all, this meeting was my idea. I had not pictured things to be this awkward. I clasped my hands together and tried to brighten the mood. "I'm sure that all things of the past shall be forgotten and that we'll all be the best of friends!" Right. My optimism hadn't even worked on me. Felicity snorted. Ann and Kartik sort of just smiled nervously. This is not at all how I planned things to go. I never thought Felicity would be so cold to him. After all, he never caused her harm. He just tended to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. I looked at Felicity accusingly. She knew exactly what I was thinking.

"Ahem." Felicity said, the first to break the tension. "I am willing to be cordial if Mr. Kartik here is willing to cooperate with me."

Kartik immediately caught my eye, as if I knew what Felicity had in mind. I smiled weakly at him, thinking that whatever she did have in mind probably wasn't very good. Kartik crossed his arms over his chest and stared her straight in the eye.

"What sort of cooperation do you require, Miss Worthington?"

Felicity grinned evilly. "As you may already know, Mr. Kartik, we are English and you are not."

"Fee!" I hissed at her. The last thing I needed was Kartik to be insulted and walk away from my life again.

Felicity ignored me. "And if you wish to be in our company, you must mirror our grace, charm, and beauty so that we needn't be reminded that we are sharing our company with someone of lesser status." She struggled to keep a straight face.

Ann looked over at me. "Grace, charm and beauty?" She mouthed silently at me. I shrugged, just as confused. Kartik had a certain animalistic grace to him, he was charming, and was quite beautiful in a male sort of way, but somehow I didn't think that Felicity had these sorts of traits in mind.

Kartik cocked an eyebrow at her, looking only slightly offended and a little bit confused. "What would this entail?"

"An initiation of sorts."

Ann and I shared a look of panic. We knew what Felicity's initiations were like. However, I doubt Kartik was going to have to raid Reverend Waite's collection of spirits in the middle of the night. Time in the realms has made Felicity bolder and crueler to those she didn't care for. Whatever she thought she had in store for Kartik was probably going to be much worse.

Kartik appeared to be contemplating his limited options – either submit to probable humiliation or leave us forever. Leave me forever. If I know Kartik, which I'm confident I do, I believe he would rather submit to the whimsy of a begrudged schoolgirl than cease his loyalty to me. I cocked my head and looked at him. He sighed. "What must I do, Miss Worthington?"

Felicity smiled, satisfied. "All you need to worry about is meeting us right here, tonight at midnight. And please, Mr. Kartik, do try to be punctual this time." She started walking back to Spence, Ann on her heels. Felicity turned back to where Kartik and I stood. "Come, Gemma, we have much to plan."

"I'll be just a moment, Felicity. I have something I wish to discuss."

She flashed me that knowing grin of hers. "I see. Try not to be too long, Gemma darling. It's getting dark, and there is much to do." She winked at me and they were off.

"Gemma …" Kartik began. I cut him off by throwing my arms around his neck. He gasped, surprised, but returned my embrace.

"Kartik, I've missed you so much!" I said, breaking away. "You risked your life to save mine and I haven't been able to properly thank you or anything!"

"You're in no debt to me, Gemma. I've been unsure of my loyalty to the Rakshana for quite some time now."

This bit of information surprised me. "Really? You've always seemed so proud to be a part of them." I watched as his eyes developed a far away look.

He smiled delicately. "I started questioning my future with the Rakshana once they gave me the task to kill you. I figured I'd rather leave them then kill the only friend I've ever had." A tiny bit of pink crept onto his cheeks.

Wow. I don't think I've ever seen Kartik blush before. This is all quite intriguing to me. "But I always thought that you just thought of me as a bother. I thought you hated me!" I pressed.

To my surprise, he gave me a sad smile. "I never hated you, Gemma. I know that I haven't always been very friendly to you, but I never meant to hurt you."

Yeah, right. Kartik never wished to hurt me? He followed me around with threats and nearly suffocated me once.

He notices my disbelief. "It's true, Gemma. I merely only did what the Rakshana told me to do. I didn't always think their orders were right, but I had no choice in the matter. I was confused." He paused for a moment. "You were right. I was only their lackey." He said quietly.

I'm shocked. I've never seen Kartik so…emotional. I placed my hand on his shoulder. "Well whatever the case may be, we're in this together. It's because of you that I'm still alive. We can make things right, Kartik."

He smiles at me. It's a lovely smile that sends warmth throughout my belly. I find myself blushing despite myself.

"So should I be afraid of what Miss Worthington is planning for me?" He asks, changing the subject.

"Um, well….." I make a face.

"Don't toy with me, Gemma. What is she going to do to me?" He looks uncomfortable. For some reason, this makes me want to laugh.

"Don't worry, Kartik, she won't compromise your virtue, if that's what you mean."

"Gemma! I didn't mean that at all!" He looks mortified.

I burst out laughing. "Whatever it is, I'll make sure to try to talk her out of it. It won't be that bad, I'm sure."

"It better not be. I'd hate to be made a fool of by some sadistic schoolgirl."

"Just let her have her bit of fun, and then you won't have to worry about her gouging your eyes out in your sleep."

Kartik shudders. "You're right. I suppose my eyesight is more important than my dignity."

"Indeed." I say. Dusk has taken over the winter sky. I don't want to leave him, but I can tell by the setting of the sun that it is nearly time to get ready for vespers.

He seems to notice this too. "Well Gemma, I believe you are needed back at the school." There is a hint of something in his eyes. Is it longing? I cannot tell in this light, but whatever it is, it makes me want to throw my arms around him again and never let go.

"I guess I'll head back then." I say, turning to leave. I give him a wave. "See you at midnight!"

"See you at midnight." He echoes.

**As always, reviews are very much appreciated!** **Next chapter should be up soon. Once I write it, of course.  
-LunaEquus  
**


	2. Stealing and Scheming

**Disclaimer: Not Libba. Characters and setting are not mine. Situation is.**

After vespers, Ann and I position ourselves on either side of Felicity, our arms linked together for warmth. We're all ears as Felicity finally lets us in on her plan for Kartik's initiation. She draws out the facts as long as possible, and I rather think she likes being the center of attention again. For once it's not me they're badgering for information. I can't say I mind. I never liked being the center of attention. That's Felicity's place, and what she has to say is quite shocking.

Ann gasps when Felicity stops talking. "But Fee! We can't do that!"

Felicity throws her a look of disdain. "We very well can do that. Why should we be the only ones to suffer? If he wants to be one of us, than he should certainly be willing to experience for one night what we have to go through every day of our lives!" She looks smug, and I can't help but be relieved that she wasn't planning something worse.

A sudden concern runs through my head. "But Fee, wherever will we find a corset big enough?"

She grins evilly and looks at Ann and me. "I have it all planned out. During supper, I will excuse myself after contracting a sudden and unfortunate headache. After dessert is finished, the two of you will stay behind and help dear old Brigid with cleaning up. In the meantime, I will secure one of her corsets and a dress." She whispers this all quite maliciously, her eyes gleaming.

Instinctively, I look around to make sure no one has overheard us. I lean in close to both of them. "It'll never work!" I whisper harshly.

Felicity scoffs. "Why? Surely he can fit into Brigid's things."

Ann cuts in. "No, I think Gemma means that you'll never be able steal her things undetected."

I nod in agreement. Felicity glares at us. "It _will _work, thank you very much. I have thought this out all throughout vespers. It is foolproof."

"Okay, Fee, we'll do it." I say. I am not in the mood for an argument.

She nods, satisfied. We have nearly arrived at the front doors of Spence, where it is dangerous to continue our conversation without being overheard, as many girls mill about before entering. Felicity turns her head to each of us and lowers her voice to an almost inaudible whisper. "Oh, and before I forget, I need the two of you to secure four teacups and saucers from the dining room."

Ann looks appalled. "Whatever for?"

Felicity makes a shushing motion against her lips. "I shall tell you during our free period."

"I thought you were retiring to your room with a sudden and most unfortunate headache." I can't help but interject.

Felicity rolls her eyes. "I shall make a startling recovery."

* * *

Most of supper passes by without incident. Just after Mrs. Nightwing finishes reprimanding a girl for holding her knife at an improper angle for cutting, Felicity excuses herself from the table. Ann and I look at each other nervously and I pray to whatever god there is in the heavens that this will all go smoothly. Felicity is really going out of her way to humiliate Kartik. _Kartik._ Just his name alone is enough to clear my head of pessimistic thoughts. I cannot help but be thrilled with the prospect of meeting him tonight without the pressure of duty over our heads.

Dessert comes and goes all too quickly. As Mrs. Nightwing dismisses us and everyone files out of the dining room, Ann and I make our way over to Brigid. She is busy clearing away the remnants of our meal. I clear my throat, which catches her attention.

"Oh, good ev'ing, girls." She says, wiping her hands on a dish towel.

"Good evening, Brigid." We chorus. Ann nudges me.

"We were just wondering if you'd like any help." I said. Honestly, as if Brigid would pass up a chance to make us work for her.

She considers for a moment. "If you'd like, you can start clearin' away the china for me." She turns and walks into the kitchen with her hands full of stacked plates.

I look at Ann meaningfully. We quickly set aside four cups and saucers behind a full leafy plant. Ann walks to one end of the table and starts stacking a few more plates. I busy myself with gathering all of the dirty silverware. I wrinkle my nose in disgust at the remnants of food on them.

Brigid walks in. "Wha's the matter, Miss Doyle?"

My face turns red. I certainly do not wish to insult her position. "Oh, it's nothing, Brigid. Just an itch." I wrinkle my nose a few more times for effect. She seems satisfied.

"Well then, you can just throw them forks in the sink."

I obliged, wondering how much time Felicity would need. Surely she should have secured Brigid's things by now?

* * *

Twenty minutes later, after clearing away everything and sweeping for crumbs, Brigid finally sets us free. We hide the stolen china in our skirts, and I wonder how we were going to clean them. I certainly wasn't going to drink out of a dirty teacup.

I collapse on my bed once we enter our room. Ann shoots me a slight disapproving look. "Gemma, mind the cups!"

"Oh yes, I nearly forgot about them." I remove the cups and saucers from my pockets.

Ann takes them from me and examines them.

"They're dirty." I say.

"I can see that." Ann pours some rosewater into the porcelain basin and washes the cups carefully. She holds a dripping cup out to me. I take it, rolling my eyes.

"I suppose I'll dry them." I look around for a hand towel to dry the china with. There is a knock at the door. I look at Ann frantically. She quickly moves the cups and saucers out of sight and wipes her hands. The knocking gets more frantic.

I open the door and there is Felicity. She looks most impatient.

"Gracious, what took you so long?" She walks in and closes the door behind her.

Ann pulls out a teacup. "Hiding the evidence." She says.

Felicity grins. "Marvelous! Then we have everything we need!"

I resume drying the dishes. "So you didn't encounter any problems?"

"No problems at all."

Ann pipes in. "So where are they then?"

Felicity looks up at the ceiling. "Honestly Ann, do you think I'm going to just walk around with Brigid's clothes in my arms? They're in my room!"

Ann scowls. I place the dry dishes carefully in the bottom of Ann's knitting basket. "You never mentioned what the teacups were for, Fee." I say.

"Oh that. Well I thought that we could teach him some manners."

This statement irritates me. "It's not as if he is a heathen!"

Felicity fixes me with a haughty stare. "Gemma, he's _Indian._"

"That doesn't mean he's any less deserving of respect!" I nearly shout this, but I am vexed and don't really care. Felicity looks at me silently, sizing me up.

"You fancy him."

"I do not!"

"Gemma…" Ann tries to calm me down, but Felicity cuts her off.

"No. It's true. Gemma has a fancy man." She laughs cheerfully.

I feel the anger inside of me deflate. "You don't mind, do you?" I whisper.

Ann looks shocked. "You really like him then?"

"I'm not quite sure. It's all quite confusing."

Felicity looks at me calmly. "I suppose he's the reason you rejected Simon Middleton?"

For some reason this question jars me. I have never thought of it that way. "I – I suppose so."

Felicity throws her arms around me. "Well then! We shall support you in your quest for love. Right Ann?"

"Right." She stills looks unsure of the situation.

I find myself at a loss for words. I do feel more at ease with this information out in the open though. I'm still not quite sure of my feelings for Kartik, or if he feels the same way about me, but I suppose time will tell.

I start giggling uncontrollably. Giggles turn into laughter, and soon I'm on the floor. Tears stream down my face as Felicity and Ann stare down at the spectacle of me. Ann turns to Felicity.

"She's gone mad, hasn't she?"

**Reviews make me a happy girl!  
Until next chapter,  
LunaEquus**


	3. Musings

**Disclaimer: Plot's mine. That's it. **

**This is in Kartik's POV. I gathered from the prologue of Rebel Angels that Kartik thinks a lot. And that he thinks romantically, with a lot of artsy descriptions** **and the like. Anyway, this is how I think the wheels turn in his head. Enjoy!**

The moon's position in the sky tells me that it's nearly midnight. Her waxing gibbous phase casts almost as much light as if she was fully present tonight. The grounds are illuminated by that milky glow; moonlight reflects off of every surface, making the snow look like an ocean and every gargoyle on Spence's roof ready to take flight. The scene is lovely, and it sends a chill up my spine that I know has nothing to do with the freezing temperature.

It is a clear night, a rare night, with no halos around the moon to predict the next day's snow. My years in survival training have taught me that many indications of weather and time can be indicated by the moon. She has become like a guardian to me, reminding me of the calendar, warning me of potential weather, and offering me light where there is no hope.

_Hope._ That's right. She is the epitome of all things sacred in my life. Mysterious. Lovely. Appearing just out of reach. A jewel for a rich man, this moon is. But no. Even to the rich man she is unattainable. I cherish her. I treasure her like no other. Everyone else has something else to love, to appreciate, other than her. But I gave everything up for her. This light is all I have. _Hope. _She offers me hope like no other. So I sacrificed everything for her. She haunts my dreams. No. Haunts? She doesn't haunt. She illuminates. Hope, light, love. Everything beautiful is her.

Does she know the faith I have in her?

The trust?

Everything is dark.

Except her.

I have nothing.

Except her.

The moon.

_Lady Hope._

A soft, rustling sound snaps me out of me reverie. I turn to the school, and see three figures approaching through the snow. A sudden sense of dread unfurls in the pit of my stomach as I remember why I'm here and why they are coming towards me. Part of me wants to run back to my tent and hide. I'm at the mercy of a power hungry schoolgirl that tried to kill me not three months ago. I know this cannot be good.

But I won't run away. I wouldn't want to disappoint Gemma. I know she desperately wants my alliance with the Order.

Gemma – desperate – for me?

I quickly shake the thought from my head. There are more important things than a crush right now. Especially a crush that is all for naught. I would never win her favor, not while the world is filled with Simon Middletons. This thought fills me with sadness. To think that someone would try to force someone like Gemma to fit the mold of a housewife. Why would anyone want to crush a spirit like hers for the sake being like everyone else?

I'm daydreaming a lot tonight. I've let my guard down. Where are the girls? I survey the grounds and realize that their figures have vanished. So they wish to sneak up on me?

I quickly turn around. Nothing. The only movement is the visible breath from my own lips. I look around at every angle. No signs of a white dress, a blue coat, a knitting basket…

A knitting basket? Surely that is what rests against that tree. I feel the tiny hairs on the back of my neck prickle as I slowly approach the basket. If they have wished to make me nervous, they have succeeded. I hear a rustle. I pause and look in the direction I heard it from. Strange.

"AIIIEEEEEEE!!!!"

Before I can even acknowledge what is happening, a body runs into me from behind. She sits on me. Wonderful, I am face down in the snow, as someone uses me as a chair. As I lift my head to clear snow from my eyes, that devil Felicity speaks from her perch on my back.

"What do you think, girls? I must be a most accomplished huntress to catch a former member of the Rakshana off his guard."

To my right, I see Gemma and Ann, politely applauding. This night sure is off to a good start. I glare at Felicity, who smiles sweetly back.

"The predator's become the prey!" She says in an annoying singsong voice.

I push her off my back and stand, brushing snow from my clothes. The trio before me stands together, a vision of innocent faces and white dresses. I scoff inwardly. These girls are no more innocent than I am, and I have seen more evils in the world than they have. These three are a force to be reckoned with; rendered even more powerful because no one suspects them.

Gemma steps forward first. "Come." She says, taking my hand.

The wool of our gloves does nothing to stop the current that runs through my body. I hardly pay attention to where they are taking me. My usually clear mind is clouded tonight, quite the opposite of the sky. The moonlight falls about us like a coat of snow, making the girls look ethereal with their white skin. I steal a glance at Gemma. The light shining in her eyes is incredible. I find a blush creep up my cheeks the second time today. Women never had this effect on me before I left the Rakshana. Perhaps the possibility that, yes, I can marry if I want to, has opened my eyes to the wonders of the female race.

Felicity's voice cuts through my musing like a sharp knife.

"We're here."

We're at the mouth of one of the large caves behind the school, the one the girls are quite familiar with already. They look at me expectantly, but I cannot imagine what they want me to say or do. "What?" I ask, slightly confused.

A wolfish grin appears on Felicity's face. She holds out her arm, beckoning for me to enter the cave. "Ladies first." She says.

She is the devil, I am sure of it. I dare not say anything to her, lest I end up with yet another gash across my chest. That's a scar story I never wish to tell.

_Oh this? I got it when an angry school girl charged me with a pointy stick. It hurt really bad. _

I settle myself on the frigid ground of the cave and set down my lantern. The light reveals faded cave drawings and evidence that this was a place that proper little young ladies came to unwind. I spy a half empty bottle of whiskey unceremoniously hid behind a few rocks. My eyes turn to Gemma; her face is serene, not betraying her devious side. I look at the three girls as they situate themselves and whisper about me. They suddenly look much younger.

In fact, all of these girls would look innocent and naïve at first glance. They are fine actors, but it is a sad story. Their lives will always be a lie; forcing themselves to be what is wanted of them – a proper, agreeable lady, and nothing else. But here they are, having a taste of the lives denied them. I can sympathize with each of them. I, too, am denied the life I want. And it is society's fault that here we are, a rather random mix of faces and cases, all with broken dreams with nothing but hope for a better life.

_Hope. _My eyes return to Gemma. The lantern's light gleams in her stunning eyes, reminding me of the first time I spoke to her here. We were less than friendly to each other, so unlike now.

Ever since I left the Rakshana, I am like a stranger to myself. No. Even before I left. I suppose the dreams started it. But I've dreamt of her even before that too. Ever since the first time I locked eyes with her on that day in the marketplace I haven't been the same. I wouldn't say it was love at first sight, but part of her stayed in my thoughts.

Sometimes my thoughts of her were unrelated to the Order or the Rakshana, and sometimes I woke up sweating, with visions of passion and lust and _her_ swimming before my eyes. She kissed me at the gypsy camp. I acted like I was mad at her for it, but in all truth, I loved it. I was brought up to not pay any attention to women, or the feelings they brought. Everything I feel now is new to me. Gemma was my first kiss, and even now she is the only woman I've ever kissed. Somewhere along the line, I fell in love with her.

It's not appropriate. It's not allowed. Still, there is hope in my heart. Of course there is, because _she _is in my heart. The only one I've ever opened up to. My only friend. Gemma…

"Hello? Kartik? Are you alive?"

I am snapped back to reality yet again by Felicity. I must have dozed off that time. "Yes, I'm alive. What is it?" I say with a bit of annoyance. Honestly, they're the ones to keep me waiting first.

The quiet one, Ann, speaks. "We're ready now."

Lovely. Here comes the gelder with his knife. This poor horse would like to keep his testicles, thank you. As I guessed, Felicity lets out a maniacal laugh. Gemma is unusually quiet. She doesn't meet my eye as Felicity approaches me with something behind her back. She moves her face close to mine and I can see my reflection in her cold eyes. I glare at her and she smirks.

"Take of your clothes, Kartik."

"WHAT?" I jump away from her and look at Gemma for some sort of support. Didn't she promise that she would talk Felicity out of something like this? But of course, I see why Gemma wouldn't look at me. She has her hand to her mouth, trying to keep from laughing out loud.

"I said, take them off!"

Felicity stands with her arms crossed. Behind her Ann is trying to save face as well.

I won't do it. "No," I say. "You're mad. I'm not going to parade around naked for your enjoyment, Miss Worthington!"

She scoffs at me. "You can keep your knickers on. It's not as if we _want _to see you naked." She turns and looks at Gemma, who is facing away from us, her shoulders shaking with silent laughter. "Well… maybe one of us does."

What? Did I just hear her properly? To think that Gemma would want to see me naked, well, that gives me some courage. I throw Felicity and Ann a look of disdain, but I remove my shirt with as much dignity as I can muster. Oh, it is cold out! The air prickles my skin with gooseflesh as I look longingly at the shirt I've just let drop to the ground. I can feel their eyes on me, even Gemma's, as I unbuckle the belt at my waist. I feel like a racehorse at auction, every eye evaluating my conformation. It is most humiliating.

As quickly as I can, I undo my trousers and let them fall to the floor. I cross my arms defiantly and stare down the three girls, trying to keep my dignity, which is hard in just your knickers.

Felicity looks surprised, as if she hadn't thought I'd be so compliant. She hands me something white and unfortunately frilly. I suddenly understand my initiation.

I take the clothes from her.

"Bloomers." She says, grinning. "The first layer of a lady's undergarments."

Of course. They wish to turn me into a fancy-man. I slip into them and tie the laces at my waist. They're surprisingly too large, but they stay up, at least. "Who do these belong to?" I ask Gemma, for I doubt any schoolgirl would be this large.

"Our housekeeper, Brigid." She says. She gives me a sympathetic look, but I know she is enjoying this as much as the other two sadists in the cave. "Here," she hands me something else. "This is your chemise."

I put it on over my head. At least I'm no longer naked. But the girls seem to enjoy this look even more than bare flesh. Felicity is literally rolling on the floor with laughter. Gemma can no longer hide hers. And Ann, well she is still blushing and trying to keep a straight face.

She approaches me. "This would be your corset." Ann says, as Felicity and Gemma laugh harder.

Excuse me?

**Haha, gonna keep you all hanging! **

**I know, Kartik's very daydreamy. But hey, he's a man in love. Leavehimalone!**

**Reviews are lovely and so is Kartik in a corset.**

**Grace, charm, and beauty,  
LunaEquus  
**


	4. Drunken Confessions

_She approaches me. "This would be your corset." Ann says, as Felicity and Gemma laugh harder._

_Excuse me?_

* * *

The girls continue to dress me in a most cruel fashion. I am in a daze; spots form before my eyes from the sudden loss of oxygen as Miss Bradshaw pulls the corset laces with the force of a draft horse. She produces a tape measure from her knitting basket and wraps it around my waist. They're measuring me; I feel I shall die from this torture.

Felicity cranes her neck to read the number and she immediately scoffs. "Twenty seven inches, Mr. Kartik? That's not fashionable at all!"

"I do not wish to have a fashionable waist!" I say angrily. "I'm a man, not a girl!"

Felicity boldly sizes me up. "Not with those knickers you aren't."

I ignore Miss Worthington's comment as she throws a dress over my head. I ignore the mocking laughter that escapes her cruel lips. I refuse to look down at my presumably "unfashionable" waist. I stand as still as a spooked deer, defiantly not acknowledging the girls around me or what they are doing to me. Unfortunately, despite my new feminine appearance, male instinct takes over. I can feel her behind me.

"Kartik."

Her voice is lovely, with a touch of sympathy for me. I turn to face her and gasp as the boning in that blasted corset jabs me in the ribs. Felicity laughs.

"See, Mr. Kartik? Your posture is all wrong." Her tone is sarcastic. I decide I do not like Felicity Worthington very much.

Ann chimes in. "You must hold yourself as if your spine was connected to a string pulled by God himself."

The girls laugh, as if I've missed some joke between them. I try to straighten my spine in vain; it only results in more pressure on my ribcage. This makes me quite irritable. "I don't believe in God anyway, so why should I be one of his puppets?"

The girls stare at me in surprise. Perhaps I've been too rude. Felicity looks away. "I'm not quite sure I believe in God anymore."

What? That is surprising. All proper English ladies are supposed to believe in their Christian God. Gemma and Ann nod meekly in agreement, as if they're not sure of their position in the matter. Gemma speaks first with sadness in her eyes.

"After all that we've been through, all that we've seen…It just doesn't seem plausible that anyone is looking out for us."

I want to hold her. I want to kiss her and tell her that I'll always look out for her. I want to see her eyes reflect my love for her, to see happiness replace that sadness I see now.

There is an awkward silence in the cave. Gemma fiddles with something in her hands. "Oh!" She says suddenly. "Kartik, please sit down."

The silence is drowned out by giggling. I look at her for help, anything to end this misery.

"It'll be over soon, don't worry." She whispers in my ear, her warm breath a comforting caress on my ear. I try to stop the thoughts before they come. This night is proving to be an exercise on my self control, and I am failing miserably. All I want to do is throw the other girls out of the cave and take Gemma right there. I want to feel her porcelain skin against mine, our body heat mingling so that she begins where I end. She won't care about what others think, she won't miss her virginity; all she'll want is me, and it will be enough…

Of course, the corset isn't in my fantasy, but it is what shakes me from it. I feel it contracting around my torso like a boa constrictor as I gingerly sit down. Gemma stands behind me, and I wonder what she is going to do to me. I feel her slender fingers gently rake through my hair and electricity explodes through me. Broken visions of past fantasies race through my head. We're rolling in a garden, her hands tugging at my curls as I explore her with my tongue…She's moaning, she's whimpering with pleasure, she's … talking?

"What do you think, ladies?" Her voice reaches my ears, exposed to the cold as she pulls my hair back. "Do you think his hair is long enough for a chignon?"

More laughter. But I am not as bothered by it as Gemma is the one in control of me now. Oh Gemma, please control me. Tie me up and punish me for all the times I was in control of you. Every time I had you up against a wall, a tree, an altar, oh please let us return to an altar. Let us control each other and ourselves, forever…

She pins up my hair, the thin metal pieces scrape my scalp delicately, into a delicious raw feeling. The lack of oxygen from the corset makes me feel lightheaded, as if I've just smoked from a hookah pipe. I can get drunk on this feeling, so much pleasure and pain rolling into one intense feeling of euphoria. Thankfully though, the corset restricts blood flow to a certain area of my body, though I faintly wonder if it would matter in so many layers of clothing.

"Finished!" Gemma claps her hands together in accomplishment.

I reach up and carefully touch the back of my head. Sure enough, my hair is in some modified hairstyle that ladies wear. I am slightly proud of Gemma for managing to contain my wild curls with just a few pins, but I am not really happy that it's up in the first place. She is quite a clever girl though.

I sigh. "May I take these off now?" I ask, referring to the ridiculous clothes I am wearing. Honestly, I get the point – these girls have to go through this every day. Here's the difference – they are used to it. I'm not, and frankly, I do not really wish to put up with any more of their antics. All I want to do go to bed. Preferably using Gemma's lap as a pillow, but unfortunately, that isn't going to happen tonight.

Felicity laughs. "This is just the beginning, Mr. Kartik! Or shall I say, Miss Kartik?"

I whip my head around to Gemma. She said it was almost over. She shrugs, her green eyes not quite meeting my brown ones. I am quite doomed I think. I wonder what the Rakshana would think of me now, although I don't really care what they think anymore.

The girls sit in a circle, with Gemma on my left, Ann on my right, and Felicity in front of me. Ann pulls tea cups and saucers out of the knitting basket the girls brought with them. She hands them out. I stare down at the china in front of me and laugh weakly.

"Are we to have a tea party?" I ask. For some reason this idea strikes me as funny. Gemma stares curiously at me and Felicity's eyes narrow.

"Yes. How else are we to teach you any manners?"

"My manners are fine." I grumble. I am not quite in the mood for tea. I just want to sleep.

Gemma and Ann look at Felicity uncertainly. "We didn't bring any tea, Felicity." Ann says.

A feeling of relief washes over me as I cling to the possibility of ending this night early. That feeling, however, is soon replaced with dread as I watch Felicity's thin mouth curve into a devilish smile. She reaches for the half-drunk bottle of whiskey I spied earlier and shakes it triumphantly. I feel my face pale. I do not want to compromise my inhibitions tonight.

Gemma moans, a sound that I find I enjoy hearing. "Fee, no! You remember the last time we drank spirits! Frankly, I've lost my taste for them since them."

I look at her, for what she has said has struck my curiosity. "What happened the last time you drank alcohol, Gemma?"

She blushes and looks down at her hands. "Nothing happened." She says quietly.

Felicity cocks her head to the side, sizing up Gemma. "The last time we drank…it was with Simon Middleton, was it not?"

What?! Gemma was drinking with that rich wanker? Anger and jealousy burn in my stomach. I look at Gemma accusingly, but she deliberately avoids my gaze. Felicity glances at me and turns back to Gemma with a newfound look of understanding in her eyes.

"Yes," Felicity says slowly. "We shared absinthe with him the night of my Christmas Ball."

Christmas, the day I left Gemma.

Felicity continues, ignoring the look of distress on Gemma's face. "You drank too much, Gemma, didn't you?" She pauses to watch Gemma squirm. "Yes, you did. Then Simon took you somewhere. You were gone for awhile. Where did you go, Gemma?"

It feels as if a boulder has been dropped in my stomach. My heart is pounding. Gemma looks as if she's about to cry. But I don't care right now. I just hope I don't start crying before I get out of this cave. As much as I want to leave, to run away forever, I find I cannot move.

Gemma speaks, her voice quiet. "I didn't want to go with him. He knew I was intoxicated. He tried to take advantage of me. But I screamed. I wouldn't let him." A few tears spill from her eyes.

The raging feeling in my stomach ceases, though I feel a newfound hatred towards Simon Middleton. Gemma's friends stare at her in shock. I hate them too, Felicity, for putting her through this, and Ann, for not trying to change the subject. Felicity puts her arms around Gemma and apologizes.

"Gemma, I'm so sorry! I had no idea!"

"Yes, I thought you liked Simon!" Ann awkwardly reaches over as well.

Gemma shakes her head in disagreement. I can't think of anything appropriate to say, so I keep my mouth shut, though I have to say that I feel like dancing around. Gemma doesn't like Simon!

The girls break their embrace. "I cannot believe he would do that to you and still have the nerve to propose!" Felicity exclaims.

This time I cannot control my words. "He proposed to you?" I blurt out.

Gemma finally lets her eyes meet mine. She gives me a small smile. "He did, but I declined, Kartik."

Relief rushes past my lips with a whoosh. Felicity smirks, and I wonder if she did all this on purpose. Gemma still looks shaken. Ann stares at her, confused.

"Gemma, are you still chaste then?"

This thought has not hit me until now. Would Middleton steal her virtue? Would Gemma let him? The churning in my stomach returns as I await her answer.

Gemma stares at Ann, almost in disbelief. "Heavens no! Do you honestly think that I'd still be here if I did? I'd be married off to him straight away!"

"Perhaps that's why he tried to do it then." I say quietly.

Gemma turns her lovely face to mine. "Perhaps." She says softly.

We share a look. That's one of the things I love about her. Sometimes we don't need words between us. I am beginning to think she's my soul mate. We are so different, yet so much alike.

Felicity disturbs our moment of peace by filling our tea cups with a generous amount of whiskey.

"Okay," she says. "Hold your cup and saucer like so." She demonstrates, and the others follow her lead. I try to as well.

Ann tutts at me. "You have to hold your pinky out!"

"Yes, Kartik, you have to hold your pinky out." Gemma says, smiling slyly at me.

"Oh, of course." I stick out my pinky, trying to make my hands look dainty like hers. I can't believe I'm doing this. "Is this better, Lady Whatsit?"

"Oh, much better, Lord Hoity Toity."

Felicity and Ann share a puzzled look. I wink at Gemma; she blushes and looks down at her teacup. I look at mine. The lantern light reflects in the whiskey, making it shine both red and gold, exactly like Gemma's hair.

I wish she would let down her hair, both literally and figuratively. I wish she'd let me into her life and stop letting society rule her. And dear god let me see her like I did the night I accidentally watched her undress. Her long red curls dripping down her back and on her bare shoulders like a waterfall. Her rose lips parted at her reflection, as I watched stupidly, unable to move or talk.

When I was younger, I was told to resist women, that they were bewitching and made men weak. I see that, in retrospect, it was probably just the Rakshana's bitter feelings towards the Order.

I have a sudden desire to drink what's in my teacup, to get drunk and see where the night leads me. I am tired of always having to plan my life, an endless string of calculations and schemes. I watch the girls sip daintily at the whiskey, trying not to wrinkle their noses in distaste. I'm tired of this game.

I throw back my head and down the contents of the cup in one gulp. The burning sensation warms me almost instantaneously. Felicity narrows her eyes at me.

"You're not playing by the rules."

"I don't care."

She harrumphs. "Then you cannot join the Order."

I laugh at this. "I do not wish to join the Order." Gemma looks shocked, so I clarify myself. "I only wish to be of service to Miss Doyle. To help and look out for her, whenever she needs me. My loyalty is with her, not with you, Miss Worthington."

Gemma smiles sweetly at me, and I know I have said the right thing. She places her hand over mine. It is a small gesture, but one that has great significance to me.

Felicity shrugs. "I can drink to that." She drinks the rest of her whiskey like I had, and Ann follows suit.

I refill my cup. "Cheers." I say to Gemma, as I touch my cup to hers.

* * *

A few minutes later, or hours as I cannot really tell anymore, we lay around the cave lazily. The bottle is nearly empty now, and the girls are all very tipsy. I suppose I am too. My head is fuzzy, but clearer than theirs. Or at least I think so. I really want this corset off.

"Gemma." My voice sounds foreign.

She giggles from a few feet away. She is lying on her back. "Yes, Lord Hoity Toity?" This has her laughing again. I watch with interest as her chest rises and falls with her laughter.

"Gemma, take it off!" I sound like I'm whining, but I can't really help that now.

"Huh?" She sits up and looks at me curiously. She has taken the pins out of her hair and curls spill over her shoulders.

I realize I've said something that could be taken the wrong way. All eyes are on me now. "I mean the corset. Take it off please."

She laughs again. "Why do you want me to take off my corset, Kartik?"

"No, my corset. I don't know how to get it off." The truth is, I haven't tried. I'm just too lazy to move.

"Okay, stay where you are."

I'm lying on my stomach. She stumbles over and kneels next to me with no grace at all. I feel her fiddling with the buttons of the dress I'm wearing.

She laughs. "I can't make my fingers work!"

I sit up. She is very close to me. I can feel her heat intensely. I want her more than ever.

"Here, I'll show you how to." I reach behind her and undo the buttons of her dress.

"Oh!" She gasps as her back is revealed to the cold. But she doesn't try to close her dress again. In fact, she wriggles out of it, much to my delight and her friends' dismay.

"Gracious, Gemma!" Ann exclaims, but Gemma doesn't acknowledge her.

"This means payback, Kartik!" She yelps, trying again to undo my dress. This time she succeeds. She unlaces the corset next. Soon I am free to dress in my own clothes. I do so as Gemma stands and does a little victory dance at her drunken accomplishments. Felicity and Ann cheer her on.

"Here," Felicity says, handing the rest of the whiskey to Gemma. "You deserve it, Lady Hope!"

Gemma falls to her knees, looking like the very meaning of sex with her hair cascading over her breasts and her cheeks rosy from the liquor. She drinks the rest of the whiskey straight from the bottle. The drink glistens on her lips. This time I won't try to control myself. I want that liquor, and I intend to get it.

Ignoring Felicity and Ann, I lean towards Gemma. It's a stretch, but I am able to reach her, and she doesn't move away. I lick the golden liquid from her lips, enjoying her softness on my tongue. She parts her lips and I enter, with all intentions to kiss her until I die. Instead, I lose my balance from leaning so far forward. I crash into her and she falls backwards. This has her laughing again, and I feel her squirming from underneath my body.

Suddenly, I feel ashamed of what I have done. I am no better than the dreaded Simon Middleton. I lift myself off of Gemma, who is remains where she is, legs slightly splayed and a look of confusion and disappointment on her face. As much as I wish to continue what I initiated, it would cause my heart pain to know that she was intoxicated and not fully in control of herself, no matter how willing she may be.

Felicity stares at me, her eyes glazed with the whiskey. "Well," she says, flopping down next to me, closer than I would like. "I think you can be in our Order now."

Do I want to be in the Order? I cannot remember clearly if I do or not. I want to be with Gemma. That's all. To help her out and be her hero. I suppose I want to be in the Order now, but I don't want to be a woman. No, I definitely do not want to be in the Order now. Or do I? Can I still protect Gemma if I'm not?

"Okay." Is all I say.

Felicity seems happy, I suppose. She licks my face. I didn't want her to do that. My cheek feels slimy now. I wipe it off, feeling slightly ill.

Suddenly Ann throws her arms around me from behind. I didn't even know she was there.

"You're one of us now!" She cries, slurring a bit.

These are not the two girls I want draped on me. I see Gemma still laying where I fell on her.

"Kartik." She calls my name softly.

I push the other girls from me and crawl over to Gemma. I settle myself on my stomach next to her. She turns to me, her bright eyes no longer dulled by drink. She smiles a lovely smile, one I have begun to covet as just for me.

"Thank you." She whispers to me, bringing her palm to my cheek. Her hand is cool against my flushed face.

"For what?" I do not quite know why she is thanking me, but I am certain she is no longer tipsy.

She brings her face close to mine. The firelight dances in her emerald eyes. She is incredible. I can see my entire future laid out in those eyes. She brings her rose lips to my forehead gently. Warmth floods my entire body from that kiss.

"For everything, Kartik."

I find her hand and our fingers lace together, reminiscent of that blasted corset of earlier tonight. I bring her hand to my lips and kiss the soft skin there as innocently as I can. From the look in her eyes I know that someday this English rose will open up to me, but it will not be tonight. From the look in her eyes I can see love and hope. I can see that she loves me, and that there is hope for a future together.

I gave up everything for Gemma, and I will continue to do so, for she is the only woman I will ever love, the only think I will ever need. This thought comforts me, and soon I am falling asleep, under the light of my Moon.

**What can I say, Kartik can be a horny teenage boy sometimes. He is human, after all.**

**Thanks for the lovely reviews, everyone! Keep 'em coming - I want opinions on Kartik's POV. Have I captured him? Have I failed miserably? **

**One more chapter to go, I think.**

**Love, peace, forever,  
-LunaEquus**


	5. The Next Day

**Disclaimer: Me no owny. Libba all aloney!  
**

**Last chapter! **

All throughout the morning's lessons, my heart beats a little faster than normal. Last night's events are still playing through my head, over and over. So much has changed in just one night. I suppose things were helped along by the whiskey, which I find is often a catalyst for inevitable disaster.

I woke up early this morning, shivering violently on the damp floor of the cave. My dress and cape were discarded unceremoniously on the floor. As I shimmied back into their warmth, I took in the sights around me. There was Kartik's lantern, burned out of its oil, resting next to the empty whiskey bottle.

Almost as if on cue, my head gave a nasty throb, reprimanding me for my inappropriate actions just hours before. There was the kiss, most unlike any other I've ever had before. As I can recall, Kartik's tongue initiated the kiss, followed by the whole of him on top of me.

I looked around and saw him sleeping next to where I awoke. His face was as untroubled as a child's in sleep, not yet conscious of the cold and headache that would soon plague him today. His hair was still pinned up, so I carefully pulled out the hairpins, allowing his black curls to fall back in place and perhaps give him more warmth. His eyelids fluttered slightly, but he didn't wake up.

Ann and Felicity were curled under their velvet capes together, resembling two kittens in a basket. I woke them as quietly as I could, and the looks on their faces showed that they too suffered from the whiskey. We decided to leave our things in the cave and to return for them during our free period. I removed my cape and covered Kartik with it, careful not to disturb him. I could not resist placing a kiss on his cheek before I left the cave to catch up with my friends' frantic strides. Even now, my lips still feel the warmth of his skin.

When we are set free after classes, Felicity, Ann, and I walk towards the cave. I half-hope I'll see Kartik there, though I don't want things to get any more awkward between the four of us. This wasn't the union I'd planned, and I have half a mind to start over again.

"So Gemma," Felicity chirps. "Tell us about last night." Her smile is a malicious one.

I avoid her face. "What's there to say? You were there."

Next to me, Ann shuffles to keep up with our pace. "But things _happened _Gemma. Don't you remember?"

They're talking about this kiss. "All I remember is how ridiculous Kartik looked in a corset." I decide to act the fool. "Why? Did anything interesting happen?" I look at Felicity as hard as I can, daring her to say it.

A satisfied smirk mars her pretty features. "Oh, nothing _too _interesting. Though I always knew the two of you had a thing for each other."

My face pales as Felicity and Ann giggle at me. "What do you mean?"

"Ever since you kissed him at the gypsy camp!" Ann shouts gleefully.

"Yes, but he never liked me then," I say, irritated. Though I must say I am curious to hear things from another perspective.

Felicity snorts. "Don't be ridiculous! He followed you around all the time, watching you. He fancied you!"

They have it all wrong. "No. He fancied Pippa. He was watching Pippa. Ever since he saw her at the lake."

Felicity's grin doesn't go away. "If that's the way you see it then…" she shares a look with Ann. "Why don't you ask him? You know, to clarify things."

"I'd rather rot." The truth is, I don't want to hear him say that he fancied Pippa. I still hold on to the hope that maybe I _am _mistaken.

"Well then. We shall have to ask him for you then," Felicity says.

I gasp, knots forming in my stomach. "You wouldn't!"

"We will," Ann says. "Unless you do."

"All right then, I'll ask," I sigh. "But I want my privacy as I do so."

"Of course," Felicity says, winking. "We wouldn't want to interrupt anything."

I resist the urge to hit her over the head. Reaching the cave, we see that Kartik is nowhere in sight. I can't help but feel a sinking feeling in my stomach, though I am relieved that I won't be forced to ask him about Pippa.

Kartik must have cleaned up for us, because the evidence of our night has been cleared away. Upon further inspection, we find Brigid's clothing folded neatly behind the rock where we had previously hidden the whiskey.

"Well this was nice of him," Ann says, holding up a teacup. "He washed the dishes for us too."

"Well then, at least he's good for something," Felicity stands with her hands on her hips.

"_Felicity!_" I hiss, appalled at her rudeness.

"I'm only kidding. I told you I'd be civil to him now. He must really like you to have put up with us last night."

Warmth rushes through me. "Yes," I say slowly, a smile forming on my lips. "Perhaps he does."

"It must be nice to have someone love you," Ann says wistfully. She slowly places the clothing and china into her knitting basket.

"Your prince will come someday, Ann," I say gently.

"Do you really think so?"

"Yes," Felicity interjects impatiently. "Now let us get these things back without getting caught."

I sigh and look around the cave again. I'd rather see Kartik before I go back.

"You two go on without me," I say suddenly. "There's something I have to do."

"What, and make us put everything back?" Felicity snaps.

"Please. It's important."

Felicity rolls her eyes. "Fine. But don't expect us to cover for you."

The two of them start their trek back to Spence. I watch their retreating figures for a few moments, wondering if our friendship would ever be stable. It seems as if I'm walking on a tightrope when I'm with them; if I don't do or say the rights things, I'll fall to my death. The thought makes my heart ache, for I am tired of always catering to the needs of others in order to be liked. Will anyone ever like me as I am?

I know of someone who already does. However, I am not quite sure where to find him. I wander the area around the cave for a few minutes, letting my hands trace over the rough bark of the densely packed trees. Where do I even begin to look? In the past he has always found me first. And I doubt he would set up camp in the same place as before…

Unsure of what to do, I make patterns in the snow with my boot. After turning a circle, I see that my foot prints resemble a flower. I start to work on a stem, careful not to disturb the radial pattern.

"Gemma!" Kartik's voice reaches me as I place my foot in the middle of a leaf shape.

I look up and see him jogging towards me, black cloak trailing behind him like a cape. "What on earth are you doing?" He looks at me quizzically as he slows to a stop before me.

"Making a flower in the snow," I say, gesturing to my creation. "Mind your feet, please."

Kartik cocks his head to the side, as if pretending it's a work of art in a museum. "Your use of texture is impeccable, Miss Doyle. I say, it has to be the best relief sculpture I've seen yet."

"Oh stop it, Kartik! You're making me blush," I bat my eyelashes at him for effect.

He smiles. "Shall we take a walk?" He offers his arm to me like a gentleman.

"Certainly," I reply, looping my arm through his.

For a few minutes, all is quiet save for the crunching of snow under our feet. A single cardinal perches on a branch ahead of us, its deep red coloring a stark contrast against the drab grays of the forest.

"Did you fancy Pippa?" I blurt out suddenly. My hand flies to my mouth immediately, my face turning as crimson as the cardinal.

"What?" Kartik's voice is confused.

"It's nothing. Forget I said anything." My heart pounds out of control.

Kartik slows his pace. "No, I didn't," he says, turning to me. "I had no feelings for Miss Cross."

"But you always looked at her, and you asked about her!" I do not know what is wrong with me today. It's as if I have no control over my own mouth.

Kartik shakes his head. "I was watching _you._ If you don't remember, my duty was to look after _you. _Your friends were also involved, so naturally I had to keep tabs on them as well."

It seems plausible, but something still bothers me. "It's just that…well, you weren't very nice to me, and it seemed as if you were really concerned for her."

"I'm sorry you feel that way." Kartik's expression is solemn.

"I really thought you hated me," I whisper, blinking away the early stages of tears.

"I didn't," he says softly.

"Then why did you act as you if you did? It made things so much harder for me!"

Kartik leans over to brush snow off of a fallen tree. He bids me to sit and I do so. "May I tell you my side of the story in my defense?" he says quietly, sitting beside me.

His gentle demeanor takes me off guard. "Of course," I say.

He sighs and rubs his palms on his knees. "The day you turned sixteen was also the day I made the transition from my training. I was to be your guardian and to follow my duty as it was described to me. I was to watch you and report back to the Rakshana," he pauses with a small smile. "Only, I didn't exactly do that. You made things very difficult for me."

I open my mouth to object, but he holds up a hand to silence me. "I know, I made things difficult for you as well. We were both a chip on each other's shoulder," he says with laughter in his voice.

I smile. He's right.

"So let me continue. I tried to stop you from entering the realms, but you had a different agenda. I knew I was supposed to alert my brothers once you entered, but I also knew the trouble you'd be in then. So I didn't do as I was told, and I nearly lost my life because of it.

"But why was I so horrible to you? Well for one, I am just as stubborn as you are," he says slyly. "You were difficult, so I was right back at you. The other reason… well, I have not had much experience with females, so my knowledge of them was limited to what I was brought up to believe. And as you know, I was raised by men, men that were denied power by women."

"Because the Order put a curse on the Rakshana, refusing them entry to the realms, right?"

"Yes, so my impression of women was that they were all witches waiting to tempt and enchant me, but they were weak in the sense that men were physically stronger and that they were too sensitive.

"So the result was that I acted absolutely horrible to you, thinking I was protecting myself. It wasn't until you bit my hand in London that I realized that being so forceful would get me nowhere."

I mull over what he said. It all makes perfect sense now. He looks at me expectantly.

"Gemma," his large eyes are sad, reminding me of a deer's. "Do you forgive me?"

"Yes," I say, my lips turning up at the corners. "I forgive you."

Kartik lets out a sigh, as if he had holding in his breath. "Good."

We sit in silence for a few minutes, our elbows touching slightly. The urge to lean into him is overwhelming.

"So…" he says slowly. "About last night…"

I blush. "Oh! I'm terribly sorry for that. It was a disaster."

He waves his hand carelessly. "Yes it was, but I am not referring to that."

He is looking at me in a strange way. It takes a moment, but I realize that he is referring to our kiss.

"So where do we stand?" he whispers.

"What do you mean?"

"Us. You and I. Are we friends? Or are we…something else?" He looks almost pained as he says this.

"Oh…well, we _are _friends…"

He nods, looking away. Disappointment registers on his features for a moment.

"But, Kartik, um, I think we are…something else as well."

His head whips around so fast it is nearly blurred. "What else are we then?"

Oh, why must it be my decision? "I'm not quite certain," I say carefully.

He wipes his palms on his trousers again and takes my hands in his. They feel slightly clammy, and I realize how nervous he must be.

"Gemma," he says. "I care for you. Very much, in fact."

I laugh at his formality.

"What's so funny?" He looks hurt.

"Nothing," I say, squeezing his hands. "No, everything. You're so nervous. So am I." I'm babbling. "I care for you too, Kartik."

He smiles widely and lowers his head to kiss me. I meet him halfway, pressing my lips to his.

"So then," he says breathlessly a few minutes later. "What are we?"

"Well, we're something, that's for sure."

**fin.**

**This was really fun to write! I'm kinda sad it's over, but my other fic "Seven Days in Sunny June" is still going strong. It may end up rated M, so be sure to look for it if you're interested!**

**Reviews have made me very happy, and new ones still do! So keep 'em coming! And thank you for all of your nice comments!**

**Grace, charm, and beauty,  
LunaEquus**


End file.
